I tell people all the time: If you’re considering moving to another country, you better make damn sure you’re doing it for you!
Not for a man. Not for a husband. Not because someone else has a dream of living abroad.
Because living abroad is NOT a vacation.
Moving to another country can be one of the most extraordinary, life-changing experiences you will ever have. But before you pack your bags, sell your belongings, and board that plane, there are some important questions you need to ask yourself.
And the most important one is: What do you really want?
Know Your Why Before You Make the Move
Why do you want to move abroad? Are you seeking an adventure? A slower pace of life? Reinvention? A new career? Love? Retirement? A fresh start?
Or are you unhappy with your current life and hoping that moving somewhere else will somehow make everything better?
There is no right or wrong answer. But you need to be honest with yourself about what you’re seeking and, more importantly, why. Because wherever you go, you take yourself with you.
Moving abroad doesn’t magically erase your problems, insecurities, or uncertainties. And if you haven’t taken the time to understand what you truly want out of life, those unanswered questions will eventually follow you.
Only now, you’ll be confronting them in a foreign country, where everything familiar has been replaced by something new.
Your routines, your surroundings, your support system, even the simplest daily activities will change. In many ways, you’ll be starting over from zero.
And trust me, that adjustment can be overwhelming, even when moving abroad is exactly what you wanted.
This is why I encourage people to do some serious soul-searching before making such a significant life decision.
You don’t have to have every answer. But you should have a strong understanding of who you are, what matters to you, and what kind of life you’re trying to create.
Don’t Build Your Entire Life Around Someone Else
During my years living in Italy, I’ve spoken with many people, particularly women, about their experiences adjusting to life in a foreign country.
One thing I’ve noticed is that some of the women who struggle the most are those who moved abroad primarily because they fell in love or because their husbands were already living here.
Now, don’t misunderstand me. There is absolutely nothing wrong with falling in love, getting married, or moving to another country to be with someone you love.
But here’s where I believe women need to be especially mindful: Your entire happiness cannot depend on another person.
I remember a friend telling me many years ago that when you get married, you must always maintain a life outside of your spouse. And she was absolutely right. Why? Because you’re still an individual.
You still have your own hopes, dreams, interests, aspirations, and purpose. Marriage doesn’t erase your individuality, nor should it.
And this becomes even more important when you’re living in a foreign country.
Think about it.
If your spouse is native to the country you’ve moved to, chances are he already has an established life. He has his friends, his family, his community, his language, and everything familiar to him.
But what about you?
You’re the newcomer.
You may not speak the language fluently. You may not know anyone. You may have left behind your family, friends, career, and everything that once gave your life a sense of familiarity.
Suddenly, your spouse becomes your primary connection to your new environment.
And while that connection may provide comfort initially, it cannot be your entire world.
What happens when you’re lonely? What happens when you’re frustrated, bored, or unfulfilled?
What happens when you realize that the life you’ve created revolves entirely around someone else?
This is why it’s imperative to develop your own interests, establish friendships, build a community, and create a life that gives YOU fulfillment. You need something that belongs to you. Because love is wonderful, but you must never lose yourself in someone else’s dream.
Know Yourself Before Choosing Where to Live
Another question people frequently ask me is, “I want to move to Italy. Where should I live?”
Well, Italy is a big country! And the answer depends entirely on the kind of lifestyle you want.
Do you enjoy the energy and excitement of a large city, or would you prefer the peace and tranquility of the countryside?
Do you want to live near the sea? Do you need access to public transportation? Are you comfortable living somewhere with a smaller international community?
What about healthcare, language barriers, finances, and everyday conveniences?
These aren’t minor details. They are the realities of daily life, and they can have a tremendous impact on your overall happiness.
A place that feels magical during a two-week vacation may feel entirely different when you’re living there year-round.
That’s why I strongly encourage people to visit the places they’re considering before making a permanent move.
Explore different regions. Spend time in the communities. Observe how people live. Pay attention to the pace of life.
And ask yourself whether you can genuinely envision building a life there.
I also encourage people to use the internet strategically.
Join expatriate communities and online groups. Ask questions. Read about other people’s experiences. Connect with people who are already living in the places you’re considering.
Chances are, whatever question you have, someone else has already asked it.
And don’t underestimate the value of those connections.
For more than 16 years, I’ve developed friendships through online communities, and many of those relationships have been invaluable throughout my journey.
Some of my closest friends outside of work are people I initially met online.
Their knowledge, experiences, encouragement, and friendship have been tremendous blessings, and I’m incredibly grateful for them. You don’t have to navigate everything alone. But you do have to take responsibility for creating the life you want.
My Calling to Italy Was Crystal Clear
For me, the decision to move to Italy was never complicated. My path was crystal clear.
I am a deeply spiritual person, and I have learned to trust my intuition and follow the guidance I receive. From the moment I first came to Italy, I knew I was answering a soul calling.
I knew this was where I was supposed to be.
I didn’t need anyone else’s approval or validation.
I simply knew.
And when I receive spiritual guidance, I listen, I trust, and I take action.
Moving to Italy wasn’t about running away from anything. It wasn’t about following someone else’s dream or hoping that a different country would somehow give my life meaning.
It was about honoring a calling that spoke directly to my soul. And I answered.
This is something I consistently teach women: Learn to trust your intuition.
Your intuition is there to guide you, protect you, and help you grow into the person you’re meant to become.
So often, we second-guess ourselves or allow fear to silence that inner voice.
But fear doesn’t necessarily mean you’re on the wrong path.
Sometimes, the very thing that frightens you is the thing that will transform your life.
You can acknowledge your fears without allowing them to dictate your decisions.
And here’s something else I’ve learned, being aligned with your purpose doesn’t necessarily mean the road will be without challenges.
As much as I love Italy, and as certain as I was that this was where I belonged, I still experienced the challenges that come with starting over in a foreign country.
I never questioned whether I had made the right decision. I never felt that I didn’t belong here.
But I certainly had moments when I realized just how much my life had changed. Everything familiar was gone.
I had to learn new systems, establish new routines, build a community, navigate a different language, and adjust to a completely different way of life.
Things that once required very little thought suddenly required time, patience, and effort.
And yes, there were moments when I felt like a fish out of water!
But I understood that adjusting to a new life was part of the journey.
I wasn’t questioning my decision.
I was learning how to live the life I had chosen.
And there’s a tremendous difference between the two.
Create a Life That Feeds Your Soul
Whether you’re moving abroad alone, with a spouse, or with your entire family, your happiness cannot depend entirely on a relationship, a beautiful landscape, a breathtaking view of the sea, or the fantasy of living overseas.
Those things can certainly enrich your life.
But they cannot be the foundation of your happiness.
That foundation has to come from within.
What interests you?
What gives your life purpose?
What excites you when you wake up in the morning?
What kind of woman do you want to become?
And what kind of life will allow you to grow into that woman?
These are the questions worth asking. Because knowing yourself is where your power begins.
I believe that one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves is the freedom to create a life that genuinely reflects who we are.
Not who society expects us to be. Not who our families want us to be. And certainly not who someone else needs us to be. But who we truly are.
Living abroad can provide an incredible opportunity for self-discovery, personal growth, and reinvention.
However, it will also challenge you in ways you may never have imagined.
There will be moments of frustration, uncertainty, loneliness, and discomfort.
You may feel completely out of place while trying to find your footing. And that’s perfectly natural.
No one is exempt from the adjustment that comes with being a foreigner in a foreign country.
Trust me, that experience doesn’t discriminate. It eventually finds everybody!
But with time, patience, resilience, and a willingness to embrace the unfamiliar, you begin to establish your new normal.
You build friendships. You develop routines. You become more confident navigating your surroundings.
And gradually, what once felt foreign begins to feel like home.
Next Up: What No One Tells You About Living in Italy
The beautiful scenery, incredible food, and romantic lifestyle are only part of the story. In my next article, I’ll share some of the realities of living in Italy that you don’t always see on social media, and why falling in love with this country also means learning to embrace its challenges.